Funny isn't it?

Tonight I ran to the Catholic Church that's close by, St. Tims, which has an adoration chapel. It was wonderful. Both parts. I decided that Jesus is absolutely the most motivating and rewarding finish line ever. Which actually applies to life in general as well!

One of the things that hit me while I was there was how God works in my life. You know, often I think how awesome it would be if God worked some crazy miracle in my life. I can't help but want some big explosion of grace and power to prove God's existence and love to others.

But that's not how it goes - at least in my life, and i think it's safe to say most lives. However, tonight I was totally in awe of God's humility. I think it's more incredible that He hides all that power in humility. If we were always seeing these big miracles it'd get old. Instead we have to look for God's hand. He hides so we can love Him more when we see Him in all the little details.

Once Fr. Dominic said "The healing of emotions isn't emotional." It's the same in my life with other things I ask God for. I prayed that I'd be able to trust people more. Do you ever pray for something and then hold your breath, look around and wait for the sudden and drastic change? haha cause I totally do that.

But no, slowly and humbly, day by day He works without me noticing. The God of the universe decides to hide and not let me see His grace working little by little. Then one day, I realize things are different. He knew all along what He was doing. But did it silently. No big show.

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Speechless

"Do grant, oh my God, that when my lips approach Yours to kiss You, I may taste the gall that was given to You; when my shoulders lean against Yours, make me feel Your scourging; when my flesh is united with Yours, in the Holy Eucharist, make me feel Your passion; when my head comes near Yours, make me feel Your thorns; when my heart is close to Yours, make me feel Your spear."

-   St. Gemma Galgani 

Isn't this quote such a powerful one? When I first read it I had one of those speechless moments where you shake your head and think, after the speechless/thoughtlessness is over of course, "whoooooaaaaa."

To share in the passion and death of Christ, that's what we're called to, that is our privilege. And yet, so often all I think about is myself. I want to be comfortable, to stay in bed longer, to eat good things, to not put myself in awkward positions. The last thing I want is a cross.

Let's face it, we can't really pray this prayer. We can try. But for how long can you last truly and whole-heartedly desiring those things? And if you can for a long time my next question is - are you human?

I'm so blessed by my job. I spent time today searching for quotes on the Mass and Eucharist. How many people get paid to do that? After reading all the beautiful things the saints have said I can't help but be on the verge of tears, blown away by the reality of the true presence of the Eucharist and the gift it is to receive communion every day.

I could just gush and gush about the Eucharist and if you continue to read my blog I'm sure I will.

It's an adventure, the marriage of your heart to Christ's; receiving the Eucharist is saying yes to that every day. Whether we want to or not, whether we think we can or not, union with Christ is union with the cross. There's no getting away from it, you can't opt out. It is the sacrifice of the cross repeated in a non-bloody manner as the Church says.

After reading it again, I think you can look at this prayer and see it as a prayer to feel, to really feel the cross with and for Christ. Instead of it being there and us being numb to what it means.

Being human is to bear crosses, but to feel Christ's cross with him in the Eucharist - is to feel love, sacrifice and purpose in your suffering.

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